Dateline Vegas: Comedy, Sleep, and Burlesque Ninjas

So I’m mostly through my week in Vegas already. I feel great. I really do. Yesterday I took a four hour nap. I didn’t want to, I just laid down for a moment and forgot to fight how exhausted I am all the time.

It’s been rough with the kids lately, especially since one has decided that sleeping really isn’t for him. We’re just trying to get through until September when they both start school. Or maybe we’ll find them jobs to tire them out, I don’t know.

So when the Improv offered me a week in Vegas I jumped at the chance. At this point, to sleep late five days in a row I would have paid them. Please don’t tell them I said that.

I drove here Tuesday, did my shows and promptly collapsed into my bed until around 5:30 am the next morning. I then MADE myself go back to sleep. No way I was getting up yet. So I did go back to sleep. Then I slept so much I had trouble getting up. Luckily the phone rang and that roused me out of my sleep coma.

But I felt better within 24 hours and I realized that there was an obvious reason my wife and I were feeling not so great all the time. We simply were not getting two things we need, especially when we get a little… more mature. Sleep and Exercise. I haven’t been eating that great since I’ve been here. This whole city is deep fried so you really have to go out of your way to find something healthy. But it didn’t matter. Two days of sleeping and exercise and it made a difference. I felt... human again. By the way, if you ever want to get away from the crowds in Las Vegas, just go to your hotel’s gym. No one will bother you there.

Then the fun began. Always an adventure here in Vegas. I went to a live presentation of a show trying to be sold. All the hotel executives were invited and if felt very… hollywoody and not in a good way. So the show premise was… burlesque ninjas. Yes. And yes, if there was a show in Vegas I would indeed be interested in seeing, it would be this one. That’s what’s really missing from Vegas. Why hasn’t anyone brought these two great things together before? Blue Man Group? No ninjas. Celine Dion? No swords. Cirque Du Soleil? Too many clowns.

So the show started in a stage that was much too small for the show. I really thought the burlesque ninjas were going to accidently stab each other with their swords they were so close. But, I have to say, these burlesque ninjas were quite professional. No Kill Bill style accidents occurred.

It wasn’t a full show so they went right to the finale. A husband and wife team did tricks with crossbows. Their names are Mr. and Mrs. G and they’ve been on Conan O’ Brien. Shooting through a playing card the other was holding, etc. Once they dude even turned around and shot at his wife using a mirror. It was amazing.

Then they pointed the crossbows at each other and did their finale which was to shoot slightly above the other’s head. I have to say I cringed. No matter how good my wife’s eyesight is, I pretty sure I wouldn’t let her point a crossbow at me. Granted, we never had that specific discussion, but I’m pretty sure I’d stick to my guns on that one. No honey, we’re not playing William Tell tonight.

So Vegas is still Vegas. It’s always fun for a few days. Of course I’m here for a week so by day six you’re pretty much ready to get the hell out of there. But I am enjoying myself and my quiet time. Yes, my quiet time in Las Vegas with the comedians, gamblers, and a crossbow wielding married couple. Good, quiet times. But most of my time has been in the hotel room. I’m the only one who comes to Vegas to get some sleep.