Hey Moronic Nosy Person: Go Away.

I went out to lunch with my Mom and we took my 11 month old son, Griffin. My son likes to eat. He just really does. A few months ago he refused baby food and wants anything that even closely resembles food, like strands of carpet and paper. He even actually scrapes the carpet with his hand to make new pulls that he can separate from the pack and eat. Like some kind on diapered lion-like predator on the carpet-covered Serengeti, he tried to separate one of those juicy carpet pulls from the rest of the pack to eat it.

So we were eating at the restaurant and Griffin was shoveling bits of French toast and fruit into his mouth. At his normal pace, which is fast and with a fair amount of volume. God bless him, he’s gotten the eating part down.

But then out of nowhere this nosy, annoying woman appears and get right near my son and goes “He’s choking!” WHAT?! I looked at my son. He wasn’t choking. He was fine. What the hell was this woman’s problem? All my son did was open his mouth and let out a tiny little gag. He had shoved a bit too much food in his mouth but it was all soft and moved easily. We gave him some water and it was fine. Is that what this woman does all day?! Go to restaurants and look for choking people?! This idiotic member of the food police really pissed me off.

Hey, retard, don’t you think I would fucking know if my child was choking? I was sitting right across from him and he was facing me. Keep away from my child and your big fat nose out of my business.

Now if Griffin couldn’t breathe and was turning beet red while I sipped a Margarita, that’s a different story. But all he did was gag a little. Believe it or not, babies do that from time to time. Then this moronic woman tried to cover up her egregious stupidity just by waving and saying hi to my lovely child. I was getting angrier and maybe she noticed because she then quickly walked away. I was so irritated I ALMOST said something. But I didn’t and it wasn’t necessary. But then where to vent? Hey, that’s what the internet is for. Man, I feel better.