One Hand Giveth, The Other Hand Slappeth in the Face

It’s amazing how the universe can screw with your expectations. I mean that in both the good and bad sense. My business partner and I, Graham Elwood, have been working on our company comedyfilmnerds.com for the last three years or so. Or as my wife calls it: a "hobby". Not full time of course, as Graham tours with Doug Benson and I have been working on my book and taking care of our youngest. We’ve slowly been increasing the business. Sales go up and down, but mostly an upward trend and traffic on the site has increased.

Sure, we've had setbacks like the site going down for four months and not being able to pay bills, the site not working, knowing nothing about HTML or online shopping carts, the garage getting to cold to work in, even in Los Angeles, etc. We bought a space heater. Anyhoo, it's been both fun and challenging, and I really enjoy it.

So we started doing live shows in Los Angeles, a cool mix of comedians and filmmakers and screening funny short films like a mini film festival with comics talking about movies. And no one came.

So we rebooted. Hit the internet. Twitter, Facebook, started a Newsletter, etc. OK, maybe the next show would be better.

But then we did something we should have done two years ago. We started a podcast. Out of my garage, where we would meet once a week and schedule it around the baby/wife/neighbor filling in as nanny. Tough, but we did it. We record every other week and in three months we were number 15 in comedy on ITunes and 81 overall of all podcasts. We have thousands of listeners now. You can subscribe here, if you’re so inclined.

http://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/comedy-film-nerds/id345412221

So we scheduled our next live show. All those people listening, how could a few of them not come out to see us live?

Then, we get to the show and expect tons of people there. I’m really happy and excited. They are going to have to turn people away! So we waited. And we waited some more. Then some more. The sound guy starts asking us if and when we’re going to start. After counting my wife, my friend, and the four people one of the filmmakers brought, two other people showed up. And two of the four people the filmmaker brought hated the show and didn’t laugh once.

So for about four months in a row the live show not only cost us money but hit us a little in the ego/gut. We had done everything right this time, and still no one came. But then we got home after the show and bitched to each other on the cell phone like whiny babies. But then we checked the internet and realized while no one had come to our live show, over a thousand more people had subscribed to the podcast. And we hadn’t done a thing.

So thinking like a business person and promoter and not a comedian/artist (for once) it made perfect sense to focus all of our energy on what was working and table what isn’t, at least for now. Now we’re looking into selling advertising on the podcast. That’s right, we’re selling out, and we can’t do it quick enough. The podcast numbers and listeners are growing at an amazing rate. We are very thankful, and realize we just may never see any of them in person. We can live with that.

I’m here in Las Vegas and I was still woken up early by screaming children.

Here I am on my first Vegas gig at the Improv at Harrah’s since Griffin was born six weeks ago. I was looking forward to the rest. Yes, I’m the only one who goes to Vegas to get some sleep.

When you have two children you get to Vegas and realize what a quiet town it is. The casino and slot machines hardly make any noise at all. Gosh, It’s so quiet I could sleep right here on the floor next to the Blue Man Group.

I used to come to Las Vegas, work and go out and drink and party at night. Now when the shows are over I can’t wait to get back into the hotel room, check e-mail, read some comic books and go to sleep. I did try to go out one night with one of the other comedians. We went to the House of Blues private club The Foundation Room at the top of Mandalay Bay. Or we tried to. It was unexpectedly closed that night. Then we tried to go the next night and I couldn’t get in with jeans. Fine. I get the message. I’m going back to the room.

So I’m trying to sleep late for once and I hear from the room right next to me a mother scream at her kid,” Damn it, get down!” It was of course followed soon after by “He hit me first!” Then they started speaking in Spanish so I lost the rest of the conversation.

What the hell is wrong with people that they bring their children to Las Vegas? Are you in such a hurry to gamble away your money that you want to do it in front of your kids? Is this the family vacation you’ve always dreamed of? If so, you need better dreams.

There was a time when Vegas tried to get families to come. Hell, MGM even built a theme park behind their casino. That was a disastrous failure. Soon after all of Vegas changed its tune. Now it’s “What happens in Vegas…” The rest is not “can be documented in your family photo album.” Vegas is (and really always was) a seedy, glitzy adult playground with gambling, drinking, magicians, hookers, gourmet restaurants, and… comedians. I saw a car pulling a mobile billboard saying “Hot Girls delivered right to your room in 20 minutes or less” Or what? They’re free?

Hardly the place for children. And if they are under 21 they’re not really allowed on any of the casino floors anyway, by law. If you want to go to Vegas, get a babysitter. And if you can’t afford one, then you shouldn’t really be going to Las Vegas, should you? I come to Las Vegas to get away from screaming, fighting children. Not mine, yours.