ABC News and the Contest Winner

OK, so the contest winner is… Bad Ass Geek. Not for guessing correctly, but for the sheer number of guesses. I love the enthusiasm. So I’ll be sending him a DVD since he already has the book.

So the contest is still sort of open. If anyone scrolls down and then finds the job I’ve never had, they’ll still win a free book or DVD. I have more.

Recently I did an interview with ABC News. Here’s the link:

http://abcnews.go.com/Video/playerIndex?id=8272562

Now, it was a very surreal experience for a number of reasons. First of all, it taped in NY. I live in LA. I went down to the ABC affiliate and taped my segment there. I had never been in a newsroom before. It was small. No makeup, no nothing. Just a chair. Being a comic, other comics tell you to bring your own makeup. I didn’t have any. I borrowed my wife’s. I THINK we’re the same shade but I didn’t want to look shiny so I went with it.

I was nervous. No host in front of me, since she was in NY. I just listened in the earpiece and talked into the one camera in the whole studio. The crew guys were awesome. There’s just something about old union crew guys that just puts you at ease immediately. They talked to me, helped me to relax, and told me to stop checking my notes. The camera guys asked me for a signed book for the tech director who just had a baby. I gave him one. I learned to always bring extra books in case. Plus, you always want to keep the camera dude happy. Otherwise the host will be interviewing your feet.

The other reason that the whole thing was surreal was that the ABC lot was where I used to temp as a computer tech and then later worked as a writer for Port Charles. So it was really cool to go from being a temp on the lot to coming back as a guest. Not that anyone remembered or recognized me, but it was still really cool.

I remember when I was temping I has such a detachment about my job. I did the work, but the weird thing was I made all these crazy demands because I didn’t care, and they let me do whatever I wanted. Unlimited time off to go do stand-up, I was the highest paid tech although I was the least experienced, and I realized that it was so hard for them to get competent help that they put up with me because I did my job, didn’t complain, and made everyone laugh. I think that helped the most. I just didn’t care about having or losing the job. It’s the best bargaining position you can have.

I remember I even tried to sabotage the interview by showing up in jeans and answering a question incorrectly but honestly:
“What would you do if someone asks you for a keyboard extender but you know they don’t really need it?”
“I would give it to them, because it’s not worth the hassle.”
The interview ended with my boss saying “I’ll show you where your office will be.”

Then of course the tech bubble burst and all the internet tech support guys flooded back into the market and all the jobs were pretty much gone. But by then I had moved on to being a working and often not working writer.

So it was good to be back on the ABC lot. Sometimes your accomplishments are measured in years, others in moments. It was good to have a moment while sitting in a newsroom chair with my wife’s makeup on my face.

Contest Still Going, Stories and a Hint

OK so the contest is still going. No one has guessed correctly yet but it’s giving me some ideas for blog posts.

Also, if you’re in the area I’m doing a Book Reading and Signing at the Chester County Book and Music Company in West Chester, PA this Saturday at 7:00 pm.

I used to do tech support. I would answer help desk calls. I got hired after exaggerating on my resume and learning on the job. I would temp at various places and at one point became an HP printer technician when I knew nothing about printers. Subcontracted, of course. I was getting $20 an hour and learned that HP charged the clients $120 an hour. Quite a markup. One day I was dispatched to an office. There was this huge printer there that I had no idea what to do with. So I took it apart and then still had no idea what to do. So when no one was looking in the office I... left. That’s right, I just left.

I told the dispatcher it was too hard of a job. They didn’t even get mad. They just sent a senior tech over the next day to put it back together and hopefully fix it.

So eventually I was temping over at the ABC lot. I was fixing the computer of the head writer’s office of Port Charles. I asked her if she was looking for writers. She said yes. I gave her a Grace under Fire Spec Script, and long story short, she hired me. I was then writer for Port Charles. While I was on my probationary period I still did tech support and would write in the office. Finally an exec in ABC New York wondered why they were paying me twice and I was then a full time writer and had to give up tech support.

When the head writer hired me, she told me “I want to hear the voice of your writing come through in every script. I want to know you wrote it without even looking at the title page” This was good advice and I had a blast writing for the show. AND I just wrote dialogue. I’d get the script breakdown and just write the dialogue. It was awesome.

Then, the head writer either left or got fired. You never really know which it is. She wasn’t getting along with the executive producer. That of course meant that everyone she hired had to go to “clean house”. The executive producer called me and said they were not renewing my contract. She said “You’re writing has a very distinct voice. We don’t want to hear it. We want all the writing to sound the same.” So I had been fired for the same reason I had gotten hired. Good old showbiz. Then the executive producer was soon gone and the show got cancelled.

In this story there is a HINT as to the job I have never had. Contest still open. Already guessed? Guess again!