Some Good School News

Now with Netflix streaming all these old TV shows, I tried to introduce my five year old daughter to Fraggle Rock. She was bored instantly and wanted to watch Voltron instead. That’s my girl. Although, in case you were wondering, Voltron doesn’t really hold up.

So we FINALLY got some good news regarding schools. Our daughter was accepted to another public school, a good one, on an SAS permit. What is that, you ask? Well, let me tell you. It stands for “School of Advanced Studies”. Yes, our daughter got an advanced studies permit… for kindergarten. It’s both awesome and completely ridiculous at the same time. The good thing about our home school being so shitty is that it made us eligible for the permit. Good.

It was a whole circus, but it was worth it. First, she needed an evaluation and signature from her preschool. No problem.

Then the elementary school needed to evaluate her. OK, well, how hard could that be? Can you use the word Draconian for a preschool test? Well, I think you can start now. It was insane. 30 minutes of hard core testing for our little five year old. Write your name, what’s your address, draw a picture, are you a republican or a democrat, etc.

I got a little worried because she was getting a bit intimidated. Hell, I was getting a bit intimidated. There weren’t any pleasantries. This very business-like woman brought us to a room without a “how do you do” and said right to Bella “I’m going to ask you a few questions.” I immediately looked around for the “good cop” to her “bad cop” but there wasn’t one there.

So we got through it. And she did really well. She was in a good preschool and we were working with her on letters and reading. She must have done REALLY well because a few hours later they called my wife at work and told her the permit was accepted and the principal had signed it.
I can’t even tell you what a load off that phone call was. Now we don’t have to worry about moving or trying to afford private school. At least until middle school but that’s like six years away. Huzzah!

We still are waiting to hear back from one other school but that’s it. We got into one of our top three. If we get into two then we’ll figure it out. But to be honest, we don’t think we’re going to have that problem.

We have been working on this school thing since February and my wife has a whole Excel spreadsheet with all the school info that has so much info on it I can’t even decipher it. It looks like plans to the X-1 Rocket Car. Well, if I had to pick…

So now we have our “safety school” that’s only 5 minutes away. My wife talked to her father and he couldn’t get his head around the concept that another grade school could be so close. I understood. When you grow up in the Pennsylvania or New Jersey suburbs, there is like two schools for the entire city. You either went to one or the other or went to a private or catholic school. And had to wear a uniform. Eww.

So now we can sit in the lottery drawings for the other schools’ open enrollment and not treat it like a Powerball drawing. Of course, Los Angeles could just make all the schools good, but that would be crazy.

The People That You Meet When You're Walking Down the Street...

The People that you meet each day. Well, living in LA it’s always an adventure on who or even what you’re going to see on a daily basis. Sometimes you think “Well, that can’t be real” and then it goes and pulls it’s Prius into the Trader Joe’s parking lot. Here are a few of the things I’ve observed. At least I think I have. Sometimes the brain can’t quite process what you’re looking at.

I shop at Whole Foods a lot, because we like being poor but well fed. That’s kind of ground zero for hippies, stars and weirdos. Of course the fact that I’m there a lot doesn’t mean anything. It’s all the OTHER people who are weird.

Occasionally I see comedian Charles Fleischer there. He was the voice of Roger Rabbit and was on Welcome Back, Kotter. I’ve opened for him on the road a few times. He’s a really nice guy and when I run into him he entertains my kids for a few minutes with cartoon voices which is frankly, really helpful.

One day I saw the girl from Scrubs there, and then I saw an African Witch Doctor get out of a jeep and walk towards the Whole Foods. I’m not even kidding. I’m HOPING it was someone who just came from a movie or TV set. Otherwise, again, brain can’t process. It was the whole nine yards too. This guy had a cloak, no shoes, lots of bracelets around his ankles and various piercings on his face. He was driving, so he didn’t fear technology. Although I can’t imagine teaching an on the road driving school and having him next to you and trying to explain parallel parking in a click language. I would have loved to have gotten that whole story but sometimes I think it’s best that you don’t know.

I saw Eric Idle (one of my heroes from Monty Python) at a small comedy show in Hollywood as an unannounced guest performer. I didn’t get to meet him, unfortunately.

I saw Scott Baio at a different supermarket before his resurgence as a reality show star.
When I was hiking with my five year old last weekend a guy was hiking the other way with a parrot on his shoulder. Need attention, much, Johnnie Needy?

Audge and I were having dinner and as we were walking out of the restaurant two guys drove by in a Rocket Car. That’s right, a rocket car. It was a car in the shape of a rocket. Audge and I just burst out laughing. How often do you get to see a rocket car?

Months later, I saw a boat car drive by. Yes, it was a car in the shape of a boat and I could have SWORN it was the same guy driving. Like the dude was freaking building crazy cars in his garage and driving them around. But then again, if you COULD build a rocket car in your garage, why wouldn’t you?

I suppose it’s one of those things that keeps LA exciting, like the traffic, smog, earthquakes and slim chances of finding employment. I can’t really say that I LOVE LA, but I do like Southern California and anyplace that I can occasionally see a rocket car is OK with me.

Overheard in LA

Wife: “Enjoy this time when the kids are young, because once they’re teenagers they won’t want anything to do with us.”

Me: “Great! Let’s start thinking of ways we can embarrass them in twelve years.”

OK, that was a non-sequitur, but I didn’t have anywhere else to put it, and I still can’t get the twitter gadget to work properly in blogger.

Anyhoo, when you live in LA, especially as a parent, you hear things you most certainly would not hear anywhere else. Here are some things I’ve overheard. I’m a very good listener, when someone isn’t speaking directly to me.

Mother talking to her six year old daughter: “We’re going out for sushi tonight, your favorite!” Judging by the look on her face it was not her favorite. And really, why would it be?

Mother talking to a sales clerk in Macy’s: “My son is shooting a movie tomorrow and he needs to wear plain type clothes” Way to hike up your kid’s resume to the Macy’s clerk. Embarrased to say “My son is an extra”?

Mother to son at daycare: “If you keep acting this way you’re going to get a consequence!” Consequence?! SERIOUSLY?! While I’m against the whole “gonna get a beating” thing, I think we can still call a spade a spade. PUNISHMENT is still a good word, for criminals and for children. Be a parent, not a hippie.

“Sometime I give my son a cupcake in the morning without icing and say it’s a muffin.” This one is so creatively absurd that I had to give the mother some credit. Well done.

What was the dumbest parenting conversation you’ve overheard?