Waiting for Superman

So I saw Waiting For Superman and it was just as depressing as I thought it would be. Our schools are a mess. Check. We had to pretty much do what a lot of parents must do now, and that is to lottery or permit your way into a better school. That is really just wrong on so many different levels.

Our “home school” is close by and in a beautiful neighborhood surrounded by expensive homes. And I know not one of those kids living in those homes goes to that school because after we toured it, we realized it was a mess. We have neighbors with young kids on either side of us, neither sends their kids to our “home school”.

One thought is, well, if your school is bad, get involved and make it better. Sorry, don’t have time for that and that’s really the principal’s job. Why would I subject my child to a bad school when I can send her to a better one down the road and get involved there, thus making a good school even greater? It takes years to make a school better, even with strong PTA involvement and by that time your child has already paid the price.

The movie focuses a lot on the teachers unions and while their tenure is a problem (It is next to impossible to fire an incompetent teacher) there are many other problems. Lack of funding and all sorts of bureaucracy hinders the evolution of our schools.

And our schools NEED to evolve. They just have to. We have an unemployment crisis in this country and high tech jobs are going unfilled because of a lack of education and training.

So fix it. The solutions seem so simple. Eliminate tenure. Lengthen the school day (no parent would be against that) Increase the funding. Stop having teachers pay for school supplies. Eliminate waste from the top down, not the bottom up as most companies do. Cut administrators and salaries at the top and work your way down to the teachers. Without good teachers, there is no education system.

I’m not trying to get on a high horse here, but this affects everyone, not just people with kids. As the film shows a bad school pours hundreds of uneducated, unmotivated kids back into the community. What are they going to do? What CAN they do? Not work at Oracle, that’s for sure.
Right now we are in a good grade school. But what about middle school? Then it starts all over again… but I’m already exhausted.

Teen Titans NOT a Go

Only nine days in between posts?! I know, check me out. I’m catching up…

I never thought I’d have to deal with superhero backpack related gender issues in kindergarten, but then again that shows what I know. Bella started kindergarten with a really cool Teen Titans backpack. She loves the show and was really excited about her backpack. No problem.

About a week into school I was picking her up and one of the older boys looks at me picking up her backpack and says “That’s a boy’s backpack” I said no it wasn’t, Teen Titans is cool and anyone can wear it. I go get Bella and she echoed the same thing, since apparently the boys were asking about it and let’s face it, those little jerks were just jealous because it is so cool.

So I told Bella that two of the Teen Titans are girls and they were on the backpack too. She said they weren’t. I took another look. She was right. Sure enough, Starfire and Raven were not on the backpack. Huh. Ok, maybe the backpack did skew a bit male, but that didn’t matter. She liked it, it was cool, and that was all that mattered.

But sadly, the damage was done. She immediately wanted a “girls” backpack. And not Supergirl, but Hello Kitty. She was going full on girly girl. (sigh) If that’s what she wanted, fine.

So we went to the mall and went to the overpriced Sanrio store and got Bella a Hello Kitty backpack. That store is SO annoying. It’s so filled with cute laced consumerism I found I was grinding my teeth unexpectedly. Then I saw my wife was buying a Hello Kitty iPhone case while we were there. Something really hypnotic about those colorful simple line drawings, I suppose. Personally, I find it creepy but that’s just me.

The problem is, even with buying her a backpack, you know when kids are in that “I’m not going to behave right now even if you buy me a pony” mode? Both kids were in it. In the Hello Kitty store. I wanted to hang myself with pink Hello Kitty taffy.

So we finally got out of the store and here is the kicker—We’re walking to the escalator and this guy comes up to me and asks “Would you and your family like to appear on Supernanny?” WTF?! I didn’t think they were being THAT bad. I mean the store was still standing, unfortunately. I politely said “No thank you” Considering the fact that I have written a parenting book I’m pretty sure going on Supernanny would be the worst possible publicity.

But after I thought about it, it was just a PA or intern that approached me, no more than 23 years old whose job was to just approach families whose kids were being loud. Let’s face it, if you kids are really out of control, the last place you’re going to bring them is the mall. It would just cost you too much in damages. He looks pretty frustrated. And bored. I’m sure he’ll have to go back to his producer and tell him that his mall idea was a bust, get yelled at and then go have to score some blow for him. That’s how television works.

So Bella got her backpack and she was happy. She eagerly transferred her school stuff to the new one and gave her old one to her brother. Both kids snapped out of their bad behavior mood. So mission accomplished, even without the help of an exploitative reality show.

First Week of School

Well, we got through it. As I had posted about before, it was a huge undertaking to get our daughter into a good public school. The one we were zoned for sucks, and we had to do the old razzle dazzle and permit her into a better one. An advance studies permit. For kindergarten. Hey, whatever works. I can’t wait to see that new documentary Waiting for Superman, because I think I’m really going to be able to relate to it. And I really like Superman.

So Bella was all excited the first day, and as expected, it was chaotic. Where to go, what to do, meet the teacher, find the classroom, have someone give you the wrong information, etc. It brought me back to my school days.

The weird thing was, I was a little nervous as so was my wife. It was like it was OUR first day of school. It’s true what they say about reliving your childhood through your kids. Although I haven’t gotten an Indian burn in a while, so that’s good.

School is different and it is also the same. Teachers, classes, etc that’s the same. But with budget cuts, everything is now extra. If you’re in a good school the PTA steps up to accommodate for the shortfall, as it should be. So we gotta pay a little bit more to the PTA to keep everything going, but it’s WAY cheaper than private school!

So after the orientation the first really day of school arrived… And Bella had a 101 fever and was coughing up a lung. Not a good start. Now we had to immediately look into all of the paperwork to find out how to excuse a sick day, on her first day of school ever. We were all pretty upset about it, but what are you gonna do. Someday we’ll look back on it and laugh. OK, more of an eye roll, but whatever.

So the second day was now her first day and I was walking her into class every day because there is no supervision before the bell rings. Great. And her backpack was too heavy. She couldn’t lift it. So I took out the gallon over emergency water and the inflatable raft from her backpack (we wanted her to be prepared) and she seemed to manage it OK.

But the important thing is she seems to like it and we signed her up for some after school programs as well. Homework is a new concept to her, but I think she’s catch on and stop saying “I don’t have to do this”. We’ll see. Her journey is starting, and it is exciting. We are so happy that we got her into a good school. For free. Now we have five more years before we have to worry about middle school…

Mummies! Part 2

Alright, I ALMOST was able to keep to a week. Thanks to everyone and your e-mails and comments. You guys truly flatter me.

So we started the “long walk” up to the mummies. There were pictures and some displays leading up so I pointed again to a picture of a mummy head.

“Are you sure that’s not too scary?”
“No.” was the quick reply from my five year old archeologist/monster hunter.

So it was showtime. We went in to see the mummies. First there was one of those audio wands you could listen too. I thought Bella would like that so I offered to get her one. “Five dollars more” said the girl behind the counter. Err, no thanks. I’ll do the narration.

So we started going through a dark makeshift corridor to look at the mummies. I was getting nervous again. But first, there were animal mummies. Monkeys and dogs. Creepy. Didn’t faze Bella in the slightest. She wanted to see the “big” mummies.

So we started to see the mummies, and Bella was just fascinated. She was staring at their mummified heads and wanted a closer look at an Egyptian sarcophagus so I held her up. "Whoahhh" she exclaimed. Very cute.

She was taking it all in and then saw another mummy. She was looking at its head, and then I noticed something. Well, let’s just say something else was also preserved. The last thing I want my daughter to look at was big shriveled mummy cock. Well, maybe it’s not the last thing, but it’s pretty high up there. I quickly ushered her away from that one before she could get the full picture and thankfully, all other mummies were “covered up” and “decent”.

We say a European mummy family, and other mummies from around the world. I was trying to usher Bella through the exhibit quickly, just because I was so nervous, but she wanted to see everything and was really enjoying it. It not only wasn’t frightening her, it wasn’t even fazing her at all. She was actually enjoying it. Maybe a little too much. I had flashes of lots of black clothes, My Chemical Romance CDs, and Neil Gaiman books in her future. Which is my present, of course. Good. I won’t have to buy anything.

We finished the exhibit and Bella was satisfied and I breathed a sigh of relief. She was fine. In fact, she really enjoyed it. Now we could both relax and go look at the ecosystems. We started with the desert, because I like lizards. And it was my turn to pick.

We had a great father daughter day at the museum. Turns out I was worried for no reason. For once. I also knew that my little girl was growing up strong, curious, and willful already. Two out of three ain’t bad.

I realized something on that trip. I’m pretty sure when I was five the mummies would have freaked me out a bit. I think kids have less fear today than before. Maybe it’s because of media saturation, I don’t know, but ultimately I think that is a good thing. Not the media saturation, the less fear part. While every child is different and can ultimately handle different things, I’m going to give my daughter a little more credit from now on.

Mummies! Part 1

The less frequently I update the more blog followers I get. Are you guys trying to tell me something?

So the California Science Center had a new exhibit on mummies. I saw the sign and mentioned it when I was driving. Our five year old daughter, Bella got instantly excited.
“I want to see the mummies,” she said.
“Really?”
“Yes. Are they real?”
“Yes, they are real. But they don’t walk around”
“I thought you said they were real.”

It occurred to me she was thinking of a Scooby Doo episode.

“They are real, but they don’t walk around,” I explained.
“Are they dead?”
“er… yes. They’ve been dead for a very long time. Like the dinosaurs.”
“Did the mummies used to ride the dinosaurs?”
“… Yes. The mummies used to ride the dinosaurs.”

Let her teachers sort that one out.

So we went to the California Science Center, which is “free.” Yes, “free” means you pay for parking, Imax movies and any other big exhibit you want to see like, I don’t know, say, MUMMIES. Way to nickel and dime me, California Science.

So we went in and her eyes immediately lit up. She saw a sign for the mummies. “Is that what they look like?”
“Yes. Too scary?”
“No.”

I went to get us tickets and that’s when I saw the warnings. Mummy exhibit may be too intense for children, talk to your child before you take her to the exhibit, you’re a horrible parent, and no refunds, etc.

Great. Now I was getting worried. Would it be too much for her? But she was so excited. She’s be crushed and I would have to hear about it on the long traffic laden ride home.

But I was genuinely concerned. I kind of pride myself on making sure our children only see age appropriate material in the movies, on television or in books. I didn’t want to upset her.

So I started asking some of the employees more questions and didn’t really get any good answers. Half of them were volunteers and hadn’t seen the exhibit and the others weren’t really sure what “too intense” meant. So it was on me. And to be honest, as a parent, it should be. But I was in a situation where I wasn’t able to preview the material before making a decision so it was tough. To make matters worse, Bella was getting angry that I was asking so many people about how intense the mummies exhibit was. She knew if I got the wrong answer she wouldn’t get to go. She was right. But I really didn’t get any answer at all.

But before I had to make my mummy decision we went to the Imax Hubble movie narrated by Leonardo DiCaprio. You know what? It was really good. Great 3D and an interesting movie. Bella liked it too. Maybe she would forget all about the mummies. Yeah, right.

So then it was game time. She wanted to see the mummies next and was not going to take no for an answer. Curse you, Scooby Doo.

(The conclusion of Mummies! The Musical will be within a week, I promise)

I'm in Las Vegas with the Robots

OK, so my posting has been a bit sporadic, to be generous. I really do enjoy blogging but the truth is I’ve been really…unavailable over the last few months and I don’t see it getting any better until September when I can resume a regular schedule. You mean the same September when the kids go to school? I’m sure that’s just a coincidence…

In fact the reason I’m writing this now is because I picked up some last minute work in Las Vegas so I’m typing this from the seclusion of my hotel room. I’m catching up on reading, blogging, e-mails, work, and most importantly, sleep. Yes, I’ve said it before, I’m the only one who goes to Las Vegas to get some sleep.

I love coming to Vegas a few times a year. I actually recharge here, as weird as that sounds. I don’t really gamble (not because I’m against it, but because I’m not very good at it) so I sleep, eat, work, and exercise. By the way, if you ever want to get away from the crowds in Vegas, go to the hotel gym. It’s like a ghost town.

As I walked the casino floor I saw something new. It was a big virtual blackjack machine. Instead of playing against a dealer, the players sat at a table and played against a giant screen. An image of a blackjack dealer gives you a fake smile and deals images of cards. So players were watching a digitized version of a vapid, breast implanted model pretending to deal blackjack. It didn’t even look like a novelty. It looked like I had stepped onto the set of Blade Runner.

OK, so I’ll go to the piano bar. That will be cool, right? Watch some actual musicians tickle the ivories and banter back and forth. Great. After a few minutes of listening I noticed that it just didn’t sound… right. I took a closer look at the pianos. And it turned out, they weren’t pianos. They were piano “shells” with electronic keyboards inside them where the piano keys should have been. REALLY? You’ve now screwed with the piano bar?! Sacrilege.

I went into the café. It sued to be in Vegas you could go in, order whatever you wanted anytime you wanted. French Toast at 5:00 pm? No problem. This time I went in at around 11:00 am and there were two options for breakfast. A ham and cheese Omelet or 2 eggs “any style” which usually means scrambled. I kept turning the menu over to see if I had missed something. I wanted to see what I could work out when the 80 year old waitress finally came over.

“Could I get a cheese omelet?”
“The ham and cheese omelet?”
“No, I just want a cheese omelet”
(pause)”OK, but I have to charge your for the ham and cheese omelet”
“Alright. Can I get fruit instead of hash browns?”
“That’s another three dollars”
(sigh)
“what’s that you’re drinking?”
“Uhm, water?”
(angry glare) “OK”

So I ate my breakfast under the watchful eye of the angry octogenarian bean counter. Was I eating too slow? Hmmm...

That’s when it hit me. I realized we weren’t customers anymore. We were dollar signs, or worse, bank account numbers. Granted, I was working so I wasn’t really a customer but I still needed to use the hotel services.

There used to be a time in Las Vegas where food and hotels were cheap and customer service was important and you could get French toast whenever you wanted. The casinos didn’t care. They were making their money at the tables. But once the big corporations took over, they wanted every penny you had, and didn’t care where they got it from, whether it was at a table or in an overpriced café. But on the other side of it was the notion that the corporations were trying to do everything faster and cheaper. (It used to be BETTER, faster, and cheaper, but better became too expensive)

After seeing virtual blackjack dealers and fake pianos I realized the bigger dystopian picture. Big corporations were slowly replacing us with machines and also treating us like them. It is not a good feeling. The truth is, only two or three companies now own all the casinos on the Vegas strip. So what do they care? If you go to another casino because you got poor service at one, the same company still gets your money.

In distancing us from our money by any means necessary, we were also being distanced from each other as humans. We are becoming detached from each other, and that’s not a good thing. At all. So hug your children, hug your spouse, hell, hug your friends, and enjoy that human connection the way it’s supposed to be enjoyed, before the future corporate robot overlords take it all away from us, dollar by dollar. Scarily, with our consent as we stare down at our iPhones.

Sleep Deprivation and Hot Tub Time Machine

I used to think the hardest thing was having an infant due to the fact that they don’t sleep. Actually, infants do sleep. Not necessarily at night, but they do sleep. No, as we’ve discovered, it’s much harder to have a toddler who has decided that sleep just isn’t for him. Like when he was an infant he said, ”Yeah, that whole sleep thing? Tried it. Done with that. Now please change me.”

It started about a year ago. He’s two now. It’s been one long year. Uhm, toddlers are supposed to sleep like… toddlers, right? Not overworked morning DJs. Our toddler sleeps only 7-8 hours a NIGHT and then MAYBE takes a 1-2 hour nap during the day. So add with trying to get the million things done after the kids are asleep, my wife and I have been getting roughly 4-6 hours of sleep a night for a year. At least I think it’s been a year. It feels much longer. In other words, he just doesn’t like sleeping so he doesn’t do it. He doesn’t fall back asleep on the couch or in our bed, he’s just UP. We even tried giving him less coffee, but nothing seems to work.

We are hoping it’s a phase. A horrible, sleepless phase where I’ve been so tired that a few times I actually forgot where I was and tried to burp the cat and asked my five year old to help me with our taxes. She found some extra deductions that we had overlooked, so that actually worked out.

We’re HOPING that now that he’s two and is starting preschool his sleeping will normalize or at least he’ll sleep past 5:00 am after going to bed after 9:00 pm.

Lack of sleep is a killer. I feel awful, I’m more cranky and irritable and I have less patience. Of course, that may just be because I am a misanthrope but why split hairs. When I actually get a good night sleep I actually feel a little worse, because I think my body goes “Oh, is it over? I was in sleep mode. And I need another three days in bed. Wait? We’re getting up now? Seriously? Why, do you have a final?”

But even in our sleep deprived state, my wife and I occasionally find 20 minute increments to spend time relaxing together. My wife and I just watched Hot Tub Time Machine. (not all at once, of course) I really loved this movie. My wife liked it too. It was really funny but it also made me feel a little maudlin. I remembered the music, my days in high school, and the horrible fashions. It just made me feel both good and sad at the same time. I suppose that’s how the word “nostalgia” was created. It was great seeing John Cusack playing... an older John Cusack and there were some nice references to his older movies in there.

I look at my kids and my life and the conclusion is inevitable: Like moves on. And no hot tub can stop it. But man, we try, don’t we guys? It’s not all 16 year olds buying comic books, is it? What’s in your Hot Tub? Mine has a Playstation 3 and the original Star Trek series on DVD along with a Batman action figure and one of the Transformer Dinobots. Grimlock, of course.

So it’s been a weird year of sleep deprivation and trying to stop time. A few more weeks of not sleeping I may actually believe I can do it. All I need is some tinfoil and a hat… And then I’ll show the world that this whole linear time thing is bullshit. Now if those purple gnomes would just stop jumping up and down on my bed singing a Tears for Fears medley. It’s distracting.