Go Random!

I thought it was time for another random smattering of mini-posts. Actually, it was time for any type of post at this point. Have I lost interest in blogging? Not really, I just seem to be losing time.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! In our land of cable news and iPhones sometimes we forget all the things we are thankful for. And one of them isn’t cable news.

Hey Pandora ad department, if I am listening to free music through the internet, do you really think I can afford a Jaguar?

Two year old still is only sleeping 6-8 hours a night. Problem is there seems to be no problem. It looks like that’s all he needs. Dammit!

Saw a billboard for a loaf of cheese. For the love of God, people. Seriously. A cheese loaf. Stop the insanity. Although, I can’t wait to have a nice piece of bread in between my two slices of loaf cheese.

I am reading The Hunger Games and I am absolutely surprised about how good it is. Sometimes I read stuff to see “what all the fuss is about”, although I’m pretty sure I’ll never read the Twilight series. But The Hunger Games is in a class by itself. Satire, Pulp, and Science Fiction all in one “young adult” novel. It’s like reading a book version of the Japanese film Battle Royal, but with a world of backstory.

I’ve been watching The Walking Dead and now I’m having zombie apocalypse dreams. Again. Thanks, AMC.

I was just at the LA ZOO and I’ve never seen a zoo under constant construction more than the LA Zoo. It’s taking them over TWO years to build a freaking Reptile House. It’s just walls, cages, and lizards. Get on it!

This concludes our random blog post. Our irregular schedule will resume shortly.

My Two Worlds Collide

I recently went on the road and did a few great shows in Indiana at the Comedy Attic. It was a blast. Here’s how I knew I was in Indiana: There were TWO bibles in the hotel room drawer. One from the Mormons, and one from the Gideons. The funny thing was they were on opposite ends of the drawer, like they weren’t allowed to touch. Or there would be a Godsplosion.

Usually when I go in the road it (is rare, a break, I get some adult time and can talk about things other than Wow Wow Wubbzy, and I get to sleep in). Most of these things didn’t happen this time, and it was a very interesting trip.

First of all, no sleep. The travel schedule was tough with flying into Chicago, so no sleep. And then we did the Bob and Tom radio show the next day, so no sleep again.

But what really caught me off guard was when we got to the club’s green room where we hang out before the show. There was a pack ‘n play in it. The club owners had just had a baby. And he was in the green room. This caught me off guard a bit. My life had always been so compartmentalized. It was the weirdo entertainment side, and the baby/family side. They were never in the same room before.

Now, this little boy was adorable and only eight months old. And I have to say, I’m not a FOOPK (Fan Of Other People’s Kids) so it’s unusual for me to be enamored with another baby. But I was missing my kids a bit so I held him a little.

So as the shows went on over the weekend I would do my set and then sometimes hold the baby if the club owners had to take care of things like work lights and drop checks. So I was actually doing standup and occasional babysitting in the span of about 30 minutes. I even gave the new parents some tips since I had been through it twice now. I was the dude giving sage baby advice in a comedy green room. When did that happen?!

So I got to sleep in ONE morning and then pulled another all-nighter of travel back to LA. Wow, what a trip. The shows were great, the trip was fun, and it was interesting to see my two different worlds collide for the first time. Now let's never let that happen again.

Waiting for Superman

So I saw Waiting For Superman and it was just as depressing as I thought it would be. Our schools are a mess. Check. We had to pretty much do what a lot of parents must do now, and that is to lottery or permit your way into a better school. That is really just wrong on so many different levels.

Our “home school” is close by and in a beautiful neighborhood surrounded by expensive homes. And I know not one of those kids living in those homes goes to that school because after we toured it, we realized it was a mess. We have neighbors with young kids on either side of us, neither sends their kids to our “home school”.

One thought is, well, if your school is bad, get involved and make it better. Sorry, don’t have time for that and that’s really the principal’s job. Why would I subject my child to a bad school when I can send her to a better one down the road and get involved there, thus making a good school even greater? It takes years to make a school better, even with strong PTA involvement and by that time your child has already paid the price.

The movie focuses a lot on the teachers unions and while their tenure is a problem (It is next to impossible to fire an incompetent teacher) there are many other problems. Lack of funding and all sorts of bureaucracy hinders the evolution of our schools.

And our schools NEED to evolve. They just have to. We have an unemployment crisis in this country and high tech jobs are going unfilled because of a lack of education and training.

So fix it. The solutions seem so simple. Eliminate tenure. Lengthen the school day (no parent would be against that) Increase the funding. Stop having teachers pay for school supplies. Eliminate waste from the top down, not the bottom up as most companies do. Cut administrators and salaries at the top and work your way down to the teachers. Without good teachers, there is no education system.

I’m not trying to get on a high horse here, but this affects everyone, not just people with kids. As the film shows a bad school pours hundreds of uneducated, unmotivated kids back into the community. What are they going to do? What CAN they do? Not work at Oracle, that’s for sure.
Right now we are in a good grade school. But what about middle school? Then it starts all over again… but I’m already exhausted.

Teen Titans NOT a Go

Only nine days in between posts?! I know, check me out. I’m catching up…

I never thought I’d have to deal with superhero backpack related gender issues in kindergarten, but then again that shows what I know. Bella started kindergarten with a really cool Teen Titans backpack. She loves the show and was really excited about her backpack. No problem.

About a week into school I was picking her up and one of the older boys looks at me picking up her backpack and says “That’s a boy’s backpack” I said no it wasn’t, Teen Titans is cool and anyone can wear it. I go get Bella and she echoed the same thing, since apparently the boys were asking about it and let’s face it, those little jerks were just jealous because it is so cool.

So I told Bella that two of the Teen Titans are girls and they were on the backpack too. She said they weren’t. I took another look. She was right. Sure enough, Starfire and Raven were not on the backpack. Huh. Ok, maybe the backpack did skew a bit male, but that didn’t matter. She liked it, it was cool, and that was all that mattered.

But sadly, the damage was done. She immediately wanted a “girls” backpack. And not Supergirl, but Hello Kitty. She was going full on girly girl. (sigh) If that’s what she wanted, fine.

So we went to the mall and went to the overpriced Sanrio store and got Bella a Hello Kitty backpack. That store is SO annoying. It’s so filled with cute laced consumerism I found I was grinding my teeth unexpectedly. Then I saw my wife was buying a Hello Kitty iPhone case while we were there. Something really hypnotic about those colorful simple line drawings, I suppose. Personally, I find it creepy but that’s just me.

The problem is, even with buying her a backpack, you know when kids are in that “I’m not going to behave right now even if you buy me a pony” mode? Both kids were in it. In the Hello Kitty store. I wanted to hang myself with pink Hello Kitty taffy.

So we finally got out of the store and here is the kicker—We’re walking to the escalator and this guy comes up to me and asks “Would you and your family like to appear on Supernanny?” WTF?! I didn’t think they were being THAT bad. I mean the store was still standing, unfortunately. I politely said “No thank you” Considering the fact that I have written a parenting book I’m pretty sure going on Supernanny would be the worst possible publicity.

But after I thought about it, it was just a PA or intern that approached me, no more than 23 years old whose job was to just approach families whose kids were being loud. Let’s face it, if you kids are really out of control, the last place you’re going to bring them is the mall. It would just cost you too much in damages. He looks pretty frustrated. And bored. I’m sure he’ll have to go back to his producer and tell him that his mall idea was a bust, get yelled at and then go have to score some blow for him. That’s how television works.

So Bella got her backpack and she was happy. She eagerly transferred her school stuff to the new one and gave her old one to her brother. Both kids snapped out of their bad behavior mood. So mission accomplished, even without the help of an exploitative reality show.

First Week of School

Well, we got through it. As I had posted about before, it was a huge undertaking to get our daughter into a good public school. The one we were zoned for sucks, and we had to do the old razzle dazzle and permit her into a better one. An advance studies permit. For kindergarten. Hey, whatever works. I can’t wait to see that new documentary Waiting for Superman, because I think I’m really going to be able to relate to it. And I really like Superman.

So Bella was all excited the first day, and as expected, it was chaotic. Where to go, what to do, meet the teacher, find the classroom, have someone give you the wrong information, etc. It brought me back to my school days.

The weird thing was, I was a little nervous as so was my wife. It was like it was OUR first day of school. It’s true what they say about reliving your childhood through your kids. Although I haven’t gotten an Indian burn in a while, so that’s good.

School is different and it is also the same. Teachers, classes, etc that’s the same. But with budget cuts, everything is now extra. If you’re in a good school the PTA steps up to accommodate for the shortfall, as it should be. So we gotta pay a little bit more to the PTA to keep everything going, but it’s WAY cheaper than private school!

So after the orientation the first really day of school arrived… And Bella had a 101 fever and was coughing up a lung. Not a good start. Now we had to immediately look into all of the paperwork to find out how to excuse a sick day, on her first day of school ever. We were all pretty upset about it, but what are you gonna do. Someday we’ll look back on it and laugh. OK, more of an eye roll, but whatever.

So the second day was now her first day and I was walking her into class every day because there is no supervision before the bell rings. Great. And her backpack was too heavy. She couldn’t lift it. So I took out the gallon over emergency water and the inflatable raft from her backpack (we wanted her to be prepared) and she seemed to manage it OK.

But the important thing is she seems to like it and we signed her up for some after school programs as well. Homework is a new concept to her, but I think she’s catch on and stop saying “I don’t have to do this”. We’ll see. Her journey is starting, and it is exciting. We are so happy that we got her into a good school. For free. Now we have five more years before we have to worry about middle school…

Mummies! Part 2

Alright, I ALMOST was able to keep to a week. Thanks to everyone and your e-mails and comments. You guys truly flatter me.

So we started the “long walk” up to the mummies. There were pictures and some displays leading up so I pointed again to a picture of a mummy head.

“Are you sure that’s not too scary?”
“No.” was the quick reply from my five year old archeologist/monster hunter.

So it was showtime. We went in to see the mummies. First there was one of those audio wands you could listen too. I thought Bella would like that so I offered to get her one. “Five dollars more” said the girl behind the counter. Err, no thanks. I’ll do the narration.

So we started going through a dark makeshift corridor to look at the mummies. I was getting nervous again. But first, there were animal mummies. Monkeys and dogs. Creepy. Didn’t faze Bella in the slightest. She wanted to see the “big” mummies.

So we started to see the mummies, and Bella was just fascinated. She was staring at their mummified heads and wanted a closer look at an Egyptian sarcophagus so I held her up. "Whoahhh" she exclaimed. Very cute.

She was taking it all in and then saw another mummy. She was looking at its head, and then I noticed something. Well, let’s just say something else was also preserved. The last thing I want my daughter to look at was big shriveled mummy cock. Well, maybe it’s not the last thing, but it’s pretty high up there. I quickly ushered her away from that one before she could get the full picture and thankfully, all other mummies were “covered up” and “decent”.

We say a European mummy family, and other mummies from around the world. I was trying to usher Bella through the exhibit quickly, just because I was so nervous, but she wanted to see everything and was really enjoying it. It not only wasn’t frightening her, it wasn’t even fazing her at all. She was actually enjoying it. Maybe a little too much. I had flashes of lots of black clothes, My Chemical Romance CDs, and Neil Gaiman books in her future. Which is my present, of course. Good. I won’t have to buy anything.

We finished the exhibit and Bella was satisfied and I breathed a sigh of relief. She was fine. In fact, she really enjoyed it. Now we could both relax and go look at the ecosystems. We started with the desert, because I like lizards. And it was my turn to pick.

We had a great father daughter day at the museum. Turns out I was worried for no reason. For once. I also knew that my little girl was growing up strong, curious, and willful already. Two out of three ain’t bad.

I realized something on that trip. I’m pretty sure when I was five the mummies would have freaked me out a bit. I think kids have less fear today than before. Maybe it’s because of media saturation, I don’t know, but ultimately I think that is a good thing. Not the media saturation, the less fear part. While every child is different and can ultimately handle different things, I’m going to give my daughter a little more credit from now on.

Mummies! Part 1

The less frequently I update the more blog followers I get. Are you guys trying to tell me something?

So the California Science Center had a new exhibit on mummies. I saw the sign and mentioned it when I was driving. Our five year old daughter, Bella got instantly excited.
“I want to see the mummies,” she said.
“Really?”
“Yes. Are they real?”
“Yes, they are real. But they don’t walk around”
“I thought you said they were real.”

It occurred to me she was thinking of a Scooby Doo episode.

“They are real, but they don’t walk around,” I explained.
“Are they dead?”
“er… yes. They’ve been dead for a very long time. Like the dinosaurs.”
“Did the mummies used to ride the dinosaurs?”
“… Yes. The mummies used to ride the dinosaurs.”

Let her teachers sort that one out.

So we went to the California Science Center, which is “free.” Yes, “free” means you pay for parking, Imax movies and any other big exhibit you want to see like, I don’t know, say, MUMMIES. Way to nickel and dime me, California Science.

So we went in and her eyes immediately lit up. She saw a sign for the mummies. “Is that what they look like?”
“Yes. Too scary?”
“No.”

I went to get us tickets and that’s when I saw the warnings. Mummy exhibit may be too intense for children, talk to your child before you take her to the exhibit, you’re a horrible parent, and no refunds, etc.

Great. Now I was getting worried. Would it be too much for her? But she was so excited. She’s be crushed and I would have to hear about it on the long traffic laden ride home.

But I was genuinely concerned. I kind of pride myself on making sure our children only see age appropriate material in the movies, on television or in books. I didn’t want to upset her.

So I started asking some of the employees more questions and didn’t really get any good answers. Half of them were volunteers and hadn’t seen the exhibit and the others weren’t really sure what “too intense” meant. So it was on me. And to be honest, as a parent, it should be. But I was in a situation where I wasn’t able to preview the material before making a decision so it was tough. To make matters worse, Bella was getting angry that I was asking so many people about how intense the mummies exhibit was. She knew if I got the wrong answer she wouldn’t get to go. She was right. But I really didn’t get any answer at all.

But before I had to make my mummy decision we went to the Imax Hubble movie narrated by Leonardo DiCaprio. You know what? It was really good. Great 3D and an interesting movie. Bella liked it too. Maybe she would forget all about the mummies. Yeah, right.

So then it was game time. She wanted to see the mummies next and was not going to take no for an answer. Curse you, Scooby Doo.

(The conclusion of Mummies! The Musical will be within a week, I promise)